What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
