I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
