quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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