I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
