If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
