I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
