explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
