Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
