if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
