Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize