Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
