It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
