He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
