I CAN MOONWALK!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
