every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
