He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
