I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
