ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize