after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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