my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
