is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
