I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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