Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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