BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
