One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
