He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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