I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
