Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like eating out sand paper
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
