They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
