Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize