So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
