Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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