I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
