3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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