No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
