Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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