She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
