If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
