Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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