new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
