i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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