.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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