i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
