1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
