my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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