you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
