The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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