Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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