So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
