K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
