I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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