her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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