Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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