It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
