My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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