in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
