I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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