I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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