The maid of honor just puked.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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