There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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