On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
