If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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