my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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