We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
