I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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