I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Holy shit dude........stairs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
