Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
