did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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