I want to stick my p in your. b.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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