You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
