I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
