I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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