I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
