ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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