I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
