Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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